Bright Lights and Cityscapes
by Michi798
Summary: Songfic. "I'm the writer and she's the muse, I'm the one that you always choose." He finally chooses her, after all that she's done to him in the past, he still chose her. Kinda sad, but ends on a high note. So here ya go.


**Bright Lights and Cityscapes**  
**Michi798**  
**Summary: "I'm the writer and she's the muse, I'm the one that you always choose." He finally chooses her, after all that she's done to him in the past, he still chose her.**  
**WC:**  
**Rating: K+**  
**Disclaimer: Would I be writing fanfiction if I owned it? Didn't think so.**  
**A/N: Songfic, because I was listening to this at 11 at night for some reason and this wouldn't go away. Knowing my habits, I wouldn't remember it in the morning either. Oh, and the song is Bright Lights and Cityscapes by Sara Bareilles. She's awesome.**

* * *

He walks home, alone. Another failed relationship. Why can't I get over her? His heart screamed at him, telling him that he loves her anyways. But how could he love her when she just broke his heart? Before he knew it, he was walking to her apartment, in the rain. Rainy day, reminds me of our first REAL kiss. His eyes started to tear up thinking about her, all their kisses, all the days they shared together. Now he knew that he'd lost her, but this time he was sure that she wasn't coming back.

4 WEEKS EARLIER-

"Castle, I've told you to stop staring, it's CREEPY." _Ooh she's giving me her classic glare, cute._

"But I like staring at you, why would I stop?"

"Because...it's...CREEPY." He could tell she was getting angrier, mainly because of the long day.

"I certainly don't think it's creepy at all. I love staring at you, because I love you." He hadn't meant to say it again quite yet, thinking that he'd scared her away. He sees her blink, and he sees a glint in her eye telling him that she's tearing up.

"Kate-"

She looks over at him, knowing he's gonna say he's sorry, that he shouldn't of said it. So, before he can say it, she beats him to it.  
"Castle, if you don't think I'm ready to hear it, then maybe you should just go.." Her voice is weak, small. Shy. She's gonna break his heart soon, because she cares too much.

He's silent, no words can come to his mouth. So he gets up and leaves her apartment.

* * *

THE NEXT DAY-

She leaves a note for him, at his door. She knows he's there; she can hear his footsteps. He's not coming to the door, and that bothers her. She writes her note:  
_ Castle,_  
_ I'm sorry, but I just can't do this anymore. You can't possibly be happy with someone so broken. I need you to move on, be with someone who isn't broken. I wish I could be her, because I love you too..._  
_Just be happy without me, Castle. You were fine before you met me; you'll be fine without me._  
_ I'm sorry, but I love you too much to keep you down, hold you back._  
_ Love,_  
_ Kate_  
He's watching her through the peephole, seeing her cry and sob as she writes it.  
When he walks out, she's gone.

* * *

NOW-

He knocks at her door without realizing it. Hears footsteps, but not a door opening. He slides down on his back, wishing he'd been more careful with her.

In the morning, she opens the door, and pulls him into her living room deciding to lay him down on the couch. When he wakes up, she's in the kitchen, making coffee.

"Kate...I'm sorry."

"What do you have anything to be sorry for?" He realizes his surroundings, noticing the mess that isn't usually there, including the blood on her table. And the knife...with blood on it. She's also underweight, dark circles under her eyes.

"Kate...what the hell did you do..?" he says, motioning to the knife and the table. Their eyes met, and she quickly averted her eyes, finding the couch pillow beside him much more interesting all of a sudden. He gets up and walks over to her; she's finishing up the coffee.

He finds scars on her arms,one of them still bleeding. He's speechless, never thinking that she'd do this to herself. When words eventually come out of his mouth they're small, full of question, and angry.

"Why Kate?! Why would you do this to yourself?" His next words come out more careful. "How could you do this to me..?" His eyes catch hers, and before he knows it she's out of the kitchen, in her room, running to the bathroom.

The unsaid words linger throughout the apartment: _Why'd you leave me when I wanted to help you, when you're the only woman I could ever love..? _He thinks about all they could've had, what they could've been. Maybe they can still have that, but a loud crash interrupts his thoughts. His head snaps up at the noise, already knowing from whom the noise was made.

"KATE!" He barrels down the halls, into the bathroom. He sees her mirror broken, and Kate covered in broken glass. The cuts don't look too deep, but she'll need a kit to clean them.

"Caaaaaasssstttlllllle..." She breathes in his scent. "I'm...so..sorry..." He hears her sighs of words. Then feels her go limp, knowing she blacked out.

* * *

When she wakes up, he's looking down at her; she's on her bed with her cuts cleaned. He has tear tracks down his face, and he's still crying.

"Kate, no one's seen you in 3 weeks. I just- Why? Why would you want to do this to yourself? And don't change the subject because I am not leaving here without an explanation." He speaks softly to her, the anger showing some, making no room to question him. She gets up off her bed, and he's helping her up. Kate wraps her arms around Castle's waist, hugging him to her. He hears choking sobs escape her lips, and hugs her closer.

"I-I just wanted you...but I didn't think you'd want someone so broken." It comes out sounding more like random mumbles, but he understands it. He sees her phone vibrate, and _32 Missed Calls_ come up on the screen. He can also hear music coming from the stereo that the phone's connected to.

He walks her backwards and looks at the phone, but also catching what the beautiful voice is saying:

_Hold my breath and I'll count to ten,_

_I'm the paper and you're the pen._

_You feel me anywhere permanent,_

_And you leave me to die._

He blinks at the words, cradling Kate as he sits down, murmuring comforting words to her as he brushes his fingers past a misplaces strand of hair.

_I'm the writer and she's the muse,_

_I'm the one that you __**always**__ choose._

They look at each other at the same time, searching for each other's eyes. When he leans down, he kisses her temple and hugs her as close as they can humanly get, molding themselves together.

"Kate, you realize that I could never be happy without you." She looks up at his sudden speech, stunned by what she's hearing.

"You honestly didn't know that did you Kate? I've shown you so many times that I couldn't go on without you."

"Then why did I find you on page 6 kissing that blonde?"

"They said I needed to get over you."

"Even if I tried I couldn't get over you, Castle. You're my everything. My always."

He smiles at the use of their word. "You know it's our anniversary tomorrow. 3 years. And I just wanted to say that I've had this for quite some time. Never got around to using it though." He pulls out a crimson red velvet box. She gasps, but she already knows her answer. "Kate, I've known you for 8 years now, and although I'm an immature, egotistical, self centered jackass sometimes-"

She smiles at that, remembering her conversation with Lanie when Jerry Tyson framed Castle.

"-I love you, and from these past weeks I've spent without you I don't think I could do anything without you. I want you to be mine, forever. So Kate, will you marry me..?" Tears are streaming down her face; she nods. She's known her answer to this question for 2 years, in case he ever asked.

Their lips meet, not as passionate as their first kiss, but by far the sweetest kiss they've both ever experienced in their lives.

"Always, Castle."

Another song comes on; he knows the song. _Fix You by Coldplay. _He smiles at the lyrics, because it relates to them so well.

_And the tears come streaming down your face,_

_When you lose something you can't replace._

_When you love someone but it goes to waste,_

_Could it be worse?_

_Lights will guide you home,_

_And ignite your bones._

_And I will try..._

_To fix you._

He will fix her, even though he loves her for being her, not some blonde who just wants his money.

Because they have each other,

_Always._

* * *

**A/N: So yeah, it's 2 AM here, and I should be sleeping, but oh well. I couldn't get this out of my head. There MAY be 1 more chapter, but no promises since my schedule hates me and never wants me to have any free time.**

**Thoughts please, I always love them. And constructive criticism is welcome. **


End file.
